365 Dad with Odeani McBean
The 365 Dad Podcast is here to help you reframe how you view and handle fatherhood adversity, while reaching your true potential as dad and as a man. Here you can access the power of your higher self, mindfulness, self-reflection, personal development, strengthened relationships, and a solid community of like-minded dads.
365 Dad with Odeani McBean
E1: Dear Dads: Being Vulnerable is a Superpower.
Happy Monday, family. So grateful, so grateful to be recording this episode. Welcome to the 365 Dad podcast. This is the first, the launch. This is it. This is the official launch of the 365 Dad podcast. I'm your host, odini, father of two, entrepreneur, one on one coach and just overall cool guy. Like come on, seriously, man, I'm just so grateful to be launching this podcast.
Speaker 1:This podcast will definitely be a space for dads, especially the millennial dads who are kind of stuck in between that phase of should I be looking into my inner self? But my parents, but my dad is telling me that dad is kind of lame, right? We that? This is who we are, right, we're in that midst of we're parenting like our parents, but we have so much resource out there to help us realize that, hey, maybe this isn't the way it should be done and I'm proud of you for taking this step and listening to this podcast. And you know, and trying to figure it all out, this podcast is going to be just your safe space. Safe space we are going to use. The foundation is going to be mindfulness and journaling, self-reflection, spirituality, and we're going to use those foundations to basically look into how we gain emotional clarity as men, and we're going to look into how we gain emotional clarity in our roles as dad. Also, how do we intentionally communicate with our family, our kids? And I think what's often overlooked in all of this is how do we go about building community and finding community for like-minded dads? So that's what you're going to get from this podcast. You're just going to get a bunch of talk showing you and helping you and guiding you on how to not show up as just your best self as dad, but also show up as your best self, your best self as a man, as an individual, in this world. A little update you know for me what I got going on. Right now I have the coaching program up and running. The 365 Dad Journal is out, so I'll leave all that information in the show notes. So make sure you check out the 365 Dad Journal 365 prompts uniquely created by me just all of my experiences, you know, to help us on this journey. So, without further delay, we're going to get into today's episode, today's topic. So today's topic is Daredevil.
Speaker 1:You know, being vulnerable is a superpower, so this is something that I've been talking about with some of my friends for years now, but I put this on threads recently and I put you know, like some people responded to the threads and they were like, you know, while I see what you're trying to do here, I disagree, right. So, you know, some people definitely agreed and they're like, yeah, being vulnerable is definitely, as a man, as a dad, is a good look. But some actually disagreed. And one person disagreed and said that he views being vulnerable to our children is a sign of showing weakness and we should mainly be vulnerable to those who we can actually like, those who can help us fix the situation. You know, like, I guess, other dads, family members and so forth, and that's where I disagree, right. So, mind you, the way my spiritual practice is, I actually have a real good knack or intuition to know that everything is equally good and bad, right, nothing is just good and nothing is just bad. So I'm actually grateful to have that view. Because I have that view, I'm able to kind of really appreciate everyone's perspective, right. So I'm sure being a vulnerable dad does have its downside, but my job here today is to open your eyes to the upside of being vulnerable and just how much of a profound impact that can have on not just your life, it can have on your children's life. It can have on their children's life, their partners, when they start dating. Just being vulnerable as a man is in today's society has so much upside, so it's my job to just kind of show you that upside and, and you know, and hopefully you take nuggets from it and apply into your daily life. So, with that being said, do I think being vulnerable is a sign of weakness? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1:My son is 12 years old and when I tell you this man knows literally like everything that I go through and you know, initially it was tough for me to bring him to this point because I used to kind of I saw something on the internet one day and it was like oh you know, don't let your kids see you without your cape on, dad, you know, if you're a dad, don't let your kids see you without your cape on. And I really like looked into that and I'm just like I used to. I used to be that way, right, like I could have the worst day in the world. I could be feeling like all the stress the world can put on my shoulders as a man in this society and I would be around my kid and mask it. Right, I'm going to get to why that's a problem. So I would do that and I would. I would kind of just mask everything.
Speaker 1:And it got to a point where, you know, I think he was around eight years old or so I'm like you know what I'm going to tell this little boy everything, right. And the reason why I do that is because I want him to see me go through adversity, right, I want him to see that I think that's a good example. I also want him to feel like this is a honest and trusting relationship between us two. Right, I want him to look at his dad as someone that doesn't hide things. Right, I want him to feel like he can talk to me, because when it's his turn to be vulnerable, I want him to be able to do that with me. I want him to be able to do that with me. So there's a ton of reasons why being vulnerable is great when it comes to the bond that you're going to build with your child, and I'm going to talk about the benefits of being vulnerable with our daughters too, if you're raising a girl and.
Speaker 1:But right now, when it comes to raising a boy, a young man, and being vulnerable, I mean, you know we live in a society where you know they're going to be told not to be vulnerable, so they're going to be told to try to handle everything on their own. They're going to be told not to seek help and we all you know most of us coming up we're told that and that's a problem, because what we're going to do and I'm sure you all have this experience is you're going to get into relationships and you're going to shut your partner out. Right, you're going to, like, as men, we do this. We, like, you know I've lost relationships as I was coming up because I wasn't doing this work and I was afraid to be vulnerable and instead of, like, bringing someone into what I had going on and you know, potentially having them help me, I kind of shut down and try to handle it on my own, and that usually never works out for us. Right, you know it's important for us to be vulnerable with our children, especially when we're raising boys, because we want them to see that. It's important to be OK with asking for help. Right, it's OK to be honest, it's OK to show your raw emotions. That is not a sign of weakness, that is actually a sign of inner strength. So I just wanted to get that out the way. While I can see why someone who is raised in this society will, you know, default to thinking being vulnerable is being weak, I just want you to know that it's not. I want you to know that being vulnerable is actually being strong because you're facing your fears. Right, think about that. You're facing your fears. If you're being vulnerable as a man today, so you should continue to do that Now.
Speaker 1:When it comes to the importance of being vulnerable with our children, when we're raising young women, I mean, where do I start? You know the the impact of the relationships that our daughters have with us. Like it, it goes so deep and I'm sure you all know about daddy wounds and all of these things but like it gets deep. You know, there, you don't want your daughter attracting men or purposely looking for men that will not open up to them, and that's what's going to happen, the more and more that we are afraid to be vulnerable with our children. Right? You don't want them to think that, oh, the only guy in my life that I can get is going to be a guy that shuts me out when he's going through something. It's going to be a guy that emotionally taps out, a guy that emotionally just shuts down. You know you don't want to do that because they're going to attract a guy just like that, right, and I don't think that's a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1:So the way that we curate and the way that we kind of nurture our relationship and our bond with our daughters severely impacts, you know, the type of men that they pull in uh to their creator field, the type of men that they pull in uh to their aura, the type of men that they essentially are attracted to. Um, you know, I'm gonna be honest with you, like, like going back to my son, like I, like I've told my son straight up, I'm like, bro, I'm going through it right now, right, like there are times when maybe, like I'm dating, you know, and like I feel like my heart is broken, or you know, like I'm like I'm picking him up and he's like you're okay, and I'm like, bro, tough day, right, and I'm I'm telling him, like you know, I'm really going through it right now and you know, and I'm I have a literal conversation with him. And the reason why this is important is because what do we do most of the times if we don't be vulnerable and tell them, what do we do? We take it out on them, right? We snap on our children and so our patience is all of a sudden four inches shorter. You know what I mean. And now we're snapping. And why are we snapping? We're snapping because of the pressure that we're facing from work. We're snapping because of the pressure that we're facing from work. We're snapping because of the pressure that we're facing financially. We're snapping because of, you know, pressures that we're facing in romantic relationships, and you know they don't know that. So when you're snapping at them because of what you got going on inside, they're just going to look at that like, oh, he's mean. You know what I mean. Like oh, dad doesn't like me, or dad always is yelling at me, and you know I had to learn that lesson myself.
Speaker 1:Like you know, my dad worked multiple jobs to provide for us and there were moments where, as I was growing up, like he was like low key, like mean as hell, you know like, and of course, as a child I didn't have the about to go to job three. I think he's just like kind of in a, in a, in a mood right now because he's just had a long day. Of course I wasn't thinking that. And do you think he told me like hey, odeny man, my bad man, I know I kind of snapped at you, but I just I'm going through it right now. Of course he didn't tell me that, no-transcript, no one.
Speaker 1:Everyone is giving it their best shot, right? So your dad was giving it his best shot because he didn't have the mind frame and the resources that we have today. His dad was given his best shot and I think that's important for us to realize is like people are just giving it their best shot and what happens is, as men, we tend to realize that as adults, right. And what we need to do is realize that as children, because that would shape our relationships with our fathers so much better, it would shape our relationship with our mothers so much better if we were given the opportunity to just know what was really happening. And this is why this is important for us to do that. You know we're giving our children the opportunity to know what's really going on.
Speaker 1:So, you know, when I once I realized that my son started being completely more understanding with me, he started being like really compassionate, he started being really like empathetic towards me Once I saw that I'm like, oh, like, I'm going to tell him when something is happening, because, a, it's building trust, but B, like he's looking at me as someone who is human, right, I'm like I'm like humanizing the fatherhood experience, which is totally fine, right, like it's totally OK to let your kids know that you're not perfect, because they're going to raise their children not trying to be perfect. All you want to be is a good dad, right, and that's that's what's important. You want to give it your best shot, day in and day out. So, coming back to just the broader topic here, you know I don't want you to look at being vulnerable as a weakness. I want you to look at being vulnerable as a weakness. I want you to look at being vulnerable as a strength, because you're overcoming a fear and that fear is looking weak. That's another thing we're going to talk about a lot in our episodes is half the times in parenting and the decisions that we make, that we look back and we're like not so proud of it's because of our own fear. And if you can stand up to your fear, right, I would say that you are strong. So if you can stand up to your fear of looking weak. I would say that makes you strong, right? Exactly, I think there's like a bug flying, not not, I think I know there's a bug flying around in the bedroom. This would happen on the first episode, but we're here, um, yeah, so you know. And another thing about being vulnerable and why you should look at it as a superpower is this is this is key right here. As dads, we always OK, I don't want to say always, because I don't know everybody's experience, but it's in my experience that, as dads, we are always wanting someone else to be vulnerable to us.
Speaker 1:You ever realize that, like in general, when you're like giving advice, you know, or like someone can come to you and they can say, yo, my life is in a dumps right now, like I'm totally like fucked up, like what can I do? And you will literally like sit there and give the world's greatest advice, won't you? And turn around and don't apply any of that to your own life. Right, and I? I I'm guilty of this, not as much today as I was before I started doing this type of work, but we're all guilty of this. Why is that Right? Why is it that you get so you feel such pride in helping someone, you realize you wouldn't have been able to help that person if they weren't vulnerable.
Speaker 1:Right Like, if you're anything like me, you get true fulfillment from helping people. Like when my friends come to me and they talk to me about the things they have going on. Like it, it fills my cup to a be the person that they're coming to, but it also fills my cup to be able to give them information that can actually change their life. Give them information that will actually make their situation better. Give them information that will actually shift their perspective. Give them information that will actually shift their perspective. But if they weren't being vulnerable to begin with, I wouldn't have that opportunity. So this is why you can flip it around and mirror it to your fatherhood experience. Right Like you, can one 1000 percent Be vulnerable with your children, because if you aren't being vulnerable with them, you don't give them that chance to like help you, and that's another thing that we got to talk about. We'll get deeper in other episodes. But, like you know, it's OK to learn from your kids.
Speaker 1:I say this all the time my kids are my greatest gurus. My daughter is too, and she fits that mold too. Right Like you ever? Like you ever had a moment in your lifetime where You're like, yeah, I'm going to do this. I'm a you know, I'm going to do this in fatherhood, I'm going to do this as a dad, I'm going to show up this way as a dad and you're really excited about it. Literally the next day, your kids, like, do something that you know. Your kids do something that totally puts you on the spot. Now, with that, right, you're like, ok, this is it, this is game time. Right, like I just want it to be this way. And now my daughter didn't do a little mini rant in front of these people. What I'm going to do? Right, that's just her being my greatest guru, that's her being my greatest teacher. So, because it's like, ok, show me Right.
Speaker 1:And I think we got to embrace that. We got to embrace the fact that our children can teach us so many things. Let's give them the chance to do that, you know. Let's give them the chance to be empathetic. Let's give like who else are they going to learn from? Of course they can learn from friends and other family members. Friends and other family members, but wouldn't it feel cool? But how cool would it be for your kid to be empathetic to someone else. And then, when someone asks them like yo, how, like, how did you become that way? Like, and they, how awesome would it be for them to be like my dad? What I, if you, anything like me, and you raised anything, anything like I was raised, you would never in a million years probably, say that about your own dad. Right, and that's just the reality. Um, how dope is that, though? Right for like for somebody to be like man, hey, you're like super compassionate, like you know, where'd you learn that from? Like, how'd you pick that up? And man, my dad, come on, man, that's, that's a game changer.
Speaker 1:Man, I just have to stop this episode, you know, real quick, and just interrupt and say, like I can't believe I'm here right now with you all, like this is, it's kind of crazy, because you know this, this podcast was supposed to drop a long time ago and I just procrastinated and procrastinated and and I'm just so grateful to be doing this right now like overcoming a fear of judgment, overcoming a fear of being seen, and you know it, man, like I'm just so happy that I decided to just randomly do this because, you know, if you stumbled upon this upon this podcast. It was not by coincidence, like you know. You were meant to hear something that I'm saying today, and I just think that's one of the greatest gifts in the world is giving back to each other, so it's helping someone else out. So I just had to interrupt that, interrupt that what I was saying, because I just can't believe this is happening right now. Like this is something that I, uh, low key, dreamt about and uh, it's happening. So, wow, yeah.
Speaker 1:So you saw, what I just did live was celebrate a win, and that's something else that we should talk about as dads, and we will, and and and we will for sure celebrate your wins and we will, and we will for sure Celebrate your wins. I'm going a little off topic right now, but celebrate your wins. When I have my coaching clients with my one-on-one calls and my coaching clients, that's the first question that I ask before anything. Hey, give me a personal win and a fatherhood win from last week, no matter how big or small it is. Celebrate your wins. So I just did that live while we're recording, and it felt good, and I want you all to do the same thing, especially your wins in fatherhood Celebrate those. Write them down, you know, celebrate them down, you know, celebrate them. So yeah, that's. I think that's all I have for today.
Speaker 1:You know is, being vulnerable is a superpower. Being a vulnerable dad is a superpower. The young men that you are raising will benefit from it, not only in their relationship with you, but in their relationship with their friends, their future partners. They're going to benefit from it. Our daughters, our daughters, our queens will benefit from it, not only in their relationship with you, but when they start looking at the type of man they want to attract in their life, they're going to know that they can get a guy that is not afraid to be open and expressive, and that's that's, a healthy relationship. So they're going to know that. And yeah, man, and also, just remember to give your parents some slack. Cut them some slack, because you know, chances are, they were not able to have this type of mindset when they were coming up. And you know, the good thing is that we can be compassionate because we know we now know why that was so, as adults, we can be compassionate to our dads, especially if they were not vulnerable with us.
Speaker 1:Right, right, man, signing off before I go, um, before I send you all light. Well, I'm gonna send you all light now. Uh, so this universe is completely made up of energy and light. I think it's only like 0.1 percent matter. So the more light you have, um, the better you are, you know. So I'm just sending you all light. You know no darkness, I'm just sending you all light. You know no darkness, I'm just sending everyone light for the rest of the week. Whenever you're hearing this, even if it's you're hearing this midweek end of the week, I'm just sending you all light and positive vibes. And just some quick updates. I have about two spots left in my one on one coaching program. The link will be in the show notes. It's 12 weeks.
Speaker 1:We meet once a week for an hour and we do follow up, check ins. Get into the nitty gritty of allowing you to look inwards to be better outdoors, outside, as a. When I say outdoors, I don't mean like outside of your door, but like look in, look inwards to be better. You know, out in life, you know as a better dad and also as a better individual, because it really starts from inside here. So if you're listening to this on audio, you didn't see me point to my chest, but you get the point. And, yeah, I'm just so excited about this program. You know my clients so far. They're just having a great time and I hold them accountable.
Speaker 1:We cultivate a journaling practice. We cultivate a meditation practice. We talk about triggers and how we're. We want to cope positively. We talk about building community like man just a whole bunch of things that you know. I wish that when I was, uh, my first six, seven years of parenting, I wish I was able to, you know, to, to lock in on. So two spots left for the coaching program Uh, go check it out, book your free call and uh, let's talk and see if it's a good fit. And, uh, the three, six, five dad journal Um, make sure you go check that out on my website. So, super happy, super happy, super thankful to be here with you all. I'm sending you nothing but light and just remember that being vulnerable is indeed a superpower. All right, sending you light. Have a good one.
